Cynical Mom

Should I worry?

So Jared and I read this book, "A Scary Old House", occasionally - maybe about two or three times an hour. It's got a great plot that builds slowly - first there's a scary forest, with a scary house in it... and in the scary house there's a scary staircase, and so on. It's riveting, you just want to know what's next.

Eventually the boy makes it to the scary room in the scary house, in which there's a scary cupboard. Next to the scary cupboard is an 'old style' portrait from the neck up of a woman in a high-collar dress.

The first time we got to this page, Jared pointed at the picture and said "She used to be a Mommy. But she's dead now."

One of the greatest joys in parenting

Is that you don't just get to teach your kids, but you also learn from them.

Take me, for example. While putting my son to bed tonight, he taught me something that I can honestly say I never knew.

"Mommy, do you know, when you see a yellow poop, it's not really a poop - it's a pee hive."

Technically, he was correct.

At red robin, we sat at a table near this:

David asked Jared "Where does that come from?"

Jared quick responded: "China!"

"Darnik, mommy"

I suppose I've done a good job in censoring my foul mouth while raising my children, because the worst I've apparently done is say "Darnit" too much, which Jared misheard and now misuses whenever he's frustrated as "Darnik".

--

The wonders of technology:

Jared: "Mommy, I light up the whole world."
Me: "Really? how?"
Jared: "My shoes! See?" <points at lights on shoes>

head scratchers

Jared: "Are you wishing about chocolate?"
Me: "Um... no."
Jared: "Oh. I thought you were."

The real amusement behind the above one is that at the time he asked the question, he was sitting on the toilet trying to poop and we were in a different room; I assume he couldn't have heard us making any sound.

There was also:

Jared: "Mommy, do you like doggies?"
Me: "Yes."
Jared: "Good, because I'm going to be a doggy when I grow up."

Kiddo, your scale is out of whack

After burning his tongue on too-hot food: "DADDY!! Call the police! My tongue is on fire!"

After getting soap in his eyes during a bath: "Call the ambulance!"

Opposites

Jared had his first cooking class today at school. They made biscuits, and we spent the drive home trying to get him to talk more about it. We took home a box of his biscuits and the recipe. And so the conversation went like this:

Me: "So what did you put in the biscuits?"
Jared: "Flour!"
Me: "And what else?"
Jared: "...and salt!"
Me: "And what else?"
Jared: "Growing!"

At this point, Audrey started shouting for our attention ("Puppet!!" she shrieked giddily as she pulled her sock off her foot and put it on her hand. "Audrey Puppet!"), and I wasn't able to ask Jared what he meant by that.

Then, we opened the recipe and looked at it. One of the ingredients?

1/2 cup shortening.

Amazing logic

Me, at bedtime: "And remember the rule: If you open your door for any reason, then we're taking away your leapster."

Jared: "And if I don't have a reason, will you still take it away?"

It even took me a second to figure out what he was saying.

And then forty minute later, his door opens and before I can put on my Huffy Voice and go up to take away the leapster, a little voice calls out: "Mommy, I don't want the leapster." I tell him to put it in the hallway, which he does, and then he goes back to his bed and falls asleep.

Unreal.

As you can see, I'm clearly in the "No TV for children" camp.

Jared and I went to see Ratatouille this morning. It was fun, I've been enjoying taking him out to movies once every few weeks. While laying down before nap, i asked him:

Me: "So did you have fun at the movie this morning?"
Jared: "Yes! But Daddy didn't get to see the movie."
Me: "That's OK - Daddy doesn't like seeing movies at movie theaters, he prefers seeing them at home once they're available on DVD."
Jared: "Or on Nick Jr.!"

Quote

"I just popped that one out to show you!"

Yes, this was said while my lovely four year old was pointing at the contents of the toilet, formerly the content of his bowels.

"It looks like a baloney-cheese roll!"