Cynical Mom

Kiddo, your scale is out of whack

After burning his tongue on too-hot food: "DADDY!! Call the police! My tongue is on fire!"

After getting soap in his eyes during a bath: "Call the ambulance!"

Opposites

Jared had his first cooking class today at school. They made biscuits, and we spent the drive home trying to get him to talk more about it. We took home a box of his biscuits and the recipe. And so the conversation went like this:

Me: "So what did you put in the biscuits?"
Jared: "Flour!"
Me: "And what else?"
Jared: "...and salt!"
Me: "And what else?"
Jared: "Growing!"

At this point, Audrey started shouting for our attention ("Puppet!!" she shrieked giddily as she pulled her sock off her foot and put it on her hand. "Audrey Puppet!"), and I wasn't able to ask Jared what he meant by that.

Then, we opened the recipe and looked at it. One of the ingredients?

1/2 cup shortening.

Kids at the grocery

This ebay auction ("LOT OF POKEMON CARDS THAT MY KIDS TRIED TO SNEAK BY ME") is making the rounds on the net, it's september 2007's "Mouse Balls memo".

My mom, of course, responds that whenever she brought the five children to the grocery store to shop and got a "Are these all your children?" comment she would smile sweetly and say "Oh no - I left the older ones at home with the babies."