Babycenter has an article about what fathers are thinking. While it started off strong and lead with the example of a stay-at-home dad (making it sound just like a normal option, rather than some kind of curiosity, which I like to see), it later delved into examples such as:
"I've become quite adept at raising my daughters," says the 41-year-old. "I reserve every Tuesday night for one-on-one time and spend most of the weekends alone with them as well. I play with them, take them to dance, the park, zoos, museums, etc."
Every Tuesday night?? Wow, those lucky girls. And this dad isn't just any dad.... he's a CEO Dad! I bet that every Wednesday night is 'Thank CEO Dad for spending time with us yesterday' night.
And when it comes to discipline, "The dads we talked to emphasized the importance of discipline, but most said it was more likely to involve time-outs than trips to the woodshed.", such as this one:
"I'll wear the black hat and be the bad guy. But while I'll punish my son when he gets older, I will not hit. I'd rather take him outside and endure a half-hour tantrum than hit him."
That's so big of you, wow. Really, they should have written the entire article about you.
But by far the biggest 'um' for me came from this gem:
There's no question that you can be a strong dad and a loving one at the same time. A resounding majority of those surveyed — 96 percent of BabyCenter dads and 86 percent of non-member dads — say giving love and affection is very important when raising a child, putting it in a dead heat with being a positive role model and spending time with the kids as the most crucial elements of being a good father.
Who exactly took the survey and said that giving love and affection (and positive role modeling and spending time with the kids) is not very important when raising a child? I don't want any survey results from that 4/14% to be included, sheesh. No one responsible for the survey wondered if there was something wrong with the data when only 86% said that love and affection was an important aspect of being a father?
Is this really what fathers are thinking? "Yay for me, I spend Tuesday nights with my kids" "Yay for me, I'm not going to hit my kids"? Mothers are getting beaten up in the media (or in parenting books, if you've ever read Dr. Sears) for the slightest infraction (stopped breastfeeding before a year? didn't breastfeed at all? went back to work? let your kid cry it out? didn't lose the baby weight? aren't able to practice "attachment parenting" because of the pesky inconvenience of working two jobs in order to feed and clothe and house your kids? your daughter has anorexia? gave your kids too much attention? didn't give your kids enough attention?), but fathers get accolades for these things?
Don't get me wrong, fatherhood deserves celebrating. I just find myself less than inspired by reading about the latest celebrity dad and how he's just amazing because he (gasp) changes diapers or about how Tom Cruise is a great dad because he delayed his publicity tour for a whopping few days in order for Katie to you know, give birth to their child... or as People's spin on it goes:
"New dad Tom Cruise isn't letting fatherhood slow him down. "
The only time a new mom would get that kind of an opener is if the article was about how fast she was losing weight. I want to read more about dads who truly are amazing, like Terrell Pough.
I went to a kids' birthday party this weekend, where the dad of one of the other kids, who also had a newborn, actually went and complained to the manager of the party facility because they didn't have a diaper changing area in the men's room. (The manager ended up closing the women's restroom so he could change the baby.) The surprising thing about this (to me) was that the mother was there--but the dad didn't just instinctively go tell her to change the baby in the women's room. To me, that's the dad that deserves a medal--the one who doesn't accept the gendered way our world is set up as 'the way it's done.'
Posted by: landismom | June 05, 2006 at 04:49 AM
Hear hear, now that is a cool story.
Posted by: Cynical Mom | June 05, 2006 at 08:13 AM
Straight up sister.
Posted by: Lotta | June 11, 2006 at 07:08 PM
hear hear!
Posted by: Kira | June 25, 2006 at 01:03 PM