Cynical Mom

You're kidding, right?

This dress... goes in... at the waist. Has Children's Place ever seen an actual baby? Does anybody know of a baby that goes in at the waist?

Well, if baby gets cold, she can always put on a shrug. Near as I can tell, the purpose of a shrug in adult women is to emphasize certain parts of the anatomy. I can't tell what the purpose of a shrug is in baby girls. Apparently there are situations where baby shoulders need warming but midriffs don't.

I am going to have to face it some day... I don't make a very good mother of a girl. The asian woman who cut my hair yesterday told me I was "so very lucky - very good luck" to have a boy first, but then also have a girl who I can dress up. For the record, I am an equal-opportunity-dresser-upper. My boy is the preppiest little thing this side of Lake Washington.

To the person who found this blog...

After searching for this:

http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en-us&q=poop+floor+toddler&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

My advice is: don't stop to google it, just clean it up for chrissakes.

How can I possibly be a fully functioning member of society?

When my thought process goes something like this: "OK let's see, yes I can spare room for a cookie in my caloric budget today. So that's about 100 calories, let me go down to Cathy's office to see if she still has any cookies left... ah-ha, she does. I'm going to get the biggest cookie I can find so that I can get the most out of my 100 calories!"

What it's like to have an engineer for a dad

At a restaurant yesterday, David and Jared were playing with trains while we waited for our food to arrive:

"OK let's back Thomas up here.. beep beep beep... now he's going to load some Equal into his loader, now let's put that into his coal box... Wait a second, that's not going to work very well. Let's get something with some more heat potential. OK let's back Thomas up here.. beep beep beep... now he's going to load some real sugar into his coal box, that's much better."

Good thing he doesn't know the number for the women's shelter

Me: <taking off a bandaid and throwing it away>
Jared: "Why you have a bandaid?"
Me: "I had an owie but it's gone now."
Jared: "Did Daddy hit you?"

Music tastes

On friday afternoon I was unwinding with some coworkers after a hellish week, playing xbox. At one point someone started singing "I like to move it, move it." and several of us chipped in.

I then said: "My son loves that song. It's in..."

and before I could finish my statement, two fathers in the room said: "Madagascar. I know. My kid loves it too because of that movie."

Of course, what I didn't mention is that my son actually first learned that song from me... he is also a fan of "wayoh" and "Shake your booty" for the same reason.

There's something about a little boy with a toddler lisp saying "Mommy, you wike to move it move it?" that just melts my heart.