How can I possibly be a fully functioning member of society?

When my thought process goes something like this: "OK let's see, yes I can spare room for a cookie in my caloric budget today. So that's about 100 calories, let me go down to Cathy's office to see if she still has any cookies left... ah-ha, she does. I'm going to get the biggest cookie I can find so that I can get the most out of my 100 calories!"