Anyone up for some billiards?

Cranky Mommy recently mentioned http://www.matchingmoms.org/, and my ears perked up. Seems like a great idea. It's so hard to meet other like-minded people without a lot of time, something that magically disappeared round about two years ago for me.

So I go to fill out my profile, and I see that I can choose from a variety of interests, such as: Adoption, Antiques, Arts, Attachment Parenting, Billiards, Bowling, Breastfeeding, Cats, Cooking, Dancing, Massage, Movies, Fitness, Shopping... but the closest thing to "Computers" is "Surfing the Net". They might as well have had a checkbox for "Forwarding hoaxes debunked on snopes in 1998" on the list.

They do have "Music (listening)" but no "Music (creating)". So why segment it at all? How is it that "Billiards" got on the list but Computers didn't? Why do I find it more than mildly annoying that nearly every single category on this interests list is stereotypically female?

Heck, I'm more than willing to admit that it may be that they're serving the needs of their customers best, and their customers do mainly have interests in those categories. But how do they know they're not turning away potential customers who are a little offput at the default list? Or hey, throw a bone to feminism, even if NOBODY puts it as an interest, put "Cars" on the list just to make stuck-up feminist wannabes like me feel better (as we skip past it and check "Scrapbooking" instead).

At least they do have "Computers" and "Engineering" in the section about the type of work that I am doing. (But then again, they also have "Unemployed"). So at least they recognize I might have something to do with computers at all - but is it unthinkable that I might actually enjoy the type of work that I do? Or hey, what if I happened to be particularly passionate about Food Service, is there no way for this form to let me announce that to the world in my 'interests' section?

I think my standards are too high, or I'm just not looking in the right place. There is no listing for 'Cynical moms' in the playgroup list and my knee-jerk reaction to one of the display names of the mom's groups was that they didn't pluralize 'mommies' correctly, so my takeaway from that is that I'm an evil person.

It's all for naught, anyway, because interest-based matching has never been very successful for me the few times I've tried it. I am very into photography, really enjoy taking pictures, working in photoshop, etc. But that doesn't mean I meld particularly well with anyone else just because of a shared interest.

Even if I shared two or three or four major interests, I don't think I'd really have a higher chance of success, because it's not really the interests I look for when looking for friends, but the personality. And how do you fill out a list of checkboxes to describe your personality or find people with a similar one? That's why blogging has been so interesting for me, to describe my own personality by way of what I blog about, and to pick up on others' personalities by reading what they write about. Of course if I decide I want to take the next step, then I go back to high school and get all insecure and procrastinate.

P.S. on that note, Elizabeth, I know I owe you an email... but I don't see your address on your site? You can reach me at cyn AT photo DOT lemson DOT com.

Comments

[Anne]

I've never tried one of those matching things before, but I can see how it would be problematic. I think I resonate with you partly because I like computers and I'm a natural cynic too. We're also in similar, though not identical, life phases. But it goes beyond that, and it doesn't have anything to do with hobbies or interests, as far as I can tell--I'm not into photography and you may not have a fascination with yoga or economics.

I am very picky about friends, both real-world and blogging. I think some people want lots and lots of friends and are very open and welcoming to new relationships--they're the ones with the huge blogrolls I suppose. I'm not that way. I want a few good ones and that's the way I've ended up relating in the blogosphere too. It's not very good for hit counts but it suits me.

[kira]

I had 2 good sucesses with matchingmoms, and a ton of absolutely abyssmal failures. In fact, that is what inspired my first blog post.. and many later posts: a failure with a matchingmoms "match".
Describing myself as "quirky" and "ironic" doesn't really translate well, in a short paragraph about yourself.
oh well!

[Cynical Mom]

Anne - excellent point, I'm the same way. I don't value quantity of friends nearly as strongly as quality. I'd prefer to have one friend I spent 5 evenings a week with versus five I spent one evening a week (or month) with.

Kira - That success rate is why I have yet to go forward with one of those kinds of things. I just don't have the energy to put up with the failures!

[bethany]

So, you did it. I have to go check out this site. But, I hesitate. I swear my blogging persona is way cooler than the real me. So THAT is quite the conundrum.

I never realized finding other moms that: 1) don't smother me into every playdate/scrapbooking/stamingup/pampered chef party in existence, 2)Didn't just drive me crazy with woe is me stories, 3) understand my once work-from-home-WITH-child-full-time scenario and now the back to work scenario, and finally 4) is just cool to be around and the kids get along.

There could really be a market in this: Mommy-Playdates begin!

[http://monplombaprojet.org/andrew-becky/index.html]

http://monplombaprojet.org/andrew-becky/index.html