And about them there gender stereotypes

My two year old adores vehicles. Trucks, boats, trains, buses, motorcycles, planes, and the beloved helicopter. Our town is having Big Truck Day this friday, which I signed him up for (newish parent that I am, I didn't realize I'd have to reserve a spot in advance until another mother pointed it out - oops).

As the woman who reserved us our spot said over the phone: "Now at his age, I do need to warn you that there are some activities he will not be able to participate in, as they're not intended for children under three." No worries, I said: "I think he will be tickled pink to just see Big Trucks, and I've heard that there will be Big Trucks there."

So, on friday we will go see Big Trucks, and I know my little boy will explode in a fit of otherworldly happiness.

All the while I am reserving his spot and looking forward to it because I know how happy he will be, I am still thinking about how we are marching happily along the path to stereotypical likes and dislikes (let me guess what's next - dinosaurs?). But by that same token, his favorite color is still pink, and (having been borne to a mother who happens to still have her lovey in a drawer in her bedside table) he adores his blue doggie and pink kitty (ok ok, so he's not the most imaginative child when it comes to lovey names) like nobody's business.

Plus, I remember how much I totally dug dinosaurs and green army men when I was a kid (although interestingly enough, my mom doesn't remember those phases and instead remembers my longer-running barbie and my little pony fascinations). So I am hoping that achieving some sort of balance in gender stereotypes has a lot to do with me noticing what he enjoys and nurturing it, regardless of which specific gender it might be commonly associated with.

As I write this, I can't help but feel that five or ten years from now I will look back at me now and laugh knowingly and think about much I tried to be balanced in my offerings, but he turned out to be a stereotypical boy regardless. If so, then so be it; it makes me feel better now that I'm at least actively thinking about it and consciously trying to offer a variety.

Plus, tonight on the video monitor (aka "a luxury that I never knew I couldn't live without until I had it") we listened to him put himself to sleep by singing Itsy Bitsy Spider louder and more out of key than you would expect from a really drunk old man. And somehow, those kinds of moments make the rest of it seem so silly.

Perhaps he's onto something, I'll have to try that approach the next time I have trouble sleeping, i.e. in an hour: ...Itty bitty PIE DAH wakin up SPOW. down came WAYNE and washa PIE DAH ow. Ow came SUNNAN drydup ahda WAYNE anna itty bitty PIE DAH wen up da POW gain...

Comments

[Keith]

Argh, see my jealousy! I tried to talk Sarah into a video monitor, but she kept saying no. I'm now sending her this URL to say "SEE! I WAS RIGHT!"

[Anne]

I've thought a lot about gender stereotypes and kids and why perceive such strong gender differences.

My son liked pink and butterflies when he was three. He wanted to be an angel instead of a shepherd at the Christmas pageant. After a couple years in school, his changed his favorite color to red and told me "butterflies are for girls." Kids, especially boys, who have non-stereotypical likes are quickly set right by peer and adult pressure. The adult pressure sometimes annoys me, even though I understand that we all try to enforce certain social rules at times. The preschool teacher told Henry, "pink is for girls." I taught him that pink is for everybody. It helped when my male cousin came over one night wearing a hot pink polo shirt. I argued with another parent at church that boys could be angels--I reminded her of Gabriel, one of the most important boy angels.

I think people may have a tendency to take any evidence supportive of gender stereotypes and say, "look it's really true!" while discarding evidence to the contrary. It's been shown in psychological studies that people look for evidence that supports their beliefs--I think it's called the confirmation bias.

Anyway, I'm relieved that my son has turned out to be gender-typical. He loves his video and computer games, reads sci fi and nonfiction, and doesn't pay extra attention to hygiene. I wish I was more accepting of children's individuality but I feel it will be easier this way.

[Suzanne]

Toddler in Chief adores cars and trucks and anything with wheels too. He also likes having hair clips in his hair and pretend lipliner on his lips (because that's what mommy does). He's just emulating the world around him. There are lots of cars outside and lots of lipstick inside. I don't discourage or encourage either behavior. Eventually, as Anne pointed out, his peers will influence his likes and dislikes. In the meantime, TIC will continue to enjoy cars as well as hair clips and lipliner. And I'm okay with both ;-)