Well silly me... here I am, the mother of a two year old who's not even thinking about starting potty training for many months, and yet this woman started her daughter on it when she was four days old. Er, not potty training, "elimination communication".
''He pees like every 20 to 25 minutes," says one mother, Krysia Welin of Brookline, whose son, Kieran Hunter, is 10 weeks old. ''How do you pick it up each time and that quickly?"
Rothstein says, ''It's not all about catching it. It's more about communicating with your baby."
Why do parents do these things to themselves? Is it really "for the sake of the children" or is it more about the parent? Do we as parents have nothing better to do - either for ourselves or the kids?
''I wouldn't want to wear my toilet, would you?" says Rothstein, 31
Oh I don't know about that, given that my bladder currently has a few pounds of baby and placenta sitting on it, the idea is mighty tempting.
I do this with my five-month-old. I didn't do it with my older two.
I really like it. I know it sounds incredibly inconvenient, especially for working parents. I've modified it for us, as with two little kids as well as a baby, I simply can't always rush to the toilet whenever I know Sedona is ready to go. So, she wears a diaper, and we use the toilet maybe 30 - 40% of the time.
She loves it! She gets the biggest grin on her face, and the concentration you see on her face when she's working on a poop, well, it is rather priceless, LOL.
At five months, she is more communicative than she was at about eight weeks when I started. It's now easier to be woken up in the middle of the night to put her on the toilet than it was when I just thought she was hungry. Hey, I'm up anyways, what's the harm? And now, more nights than not, she wakes up with a dry diaper. She is better "potty trained" than my two-year-old.
However, since having gone back to work, I'm not so in-tune with her developing communication skills, so I'm missing more and more toilet "opportunities." It's now more a matter of schedule - when she wakes up from a nap, or first thing in the morning, I know she has to pee. And after a few days, I know she's going to need to poop, so I key in more to her little ways of communicating she needs to go.
That said, I know this is not for everybody. When I first brought up the idea to my on-line playgroup, they thought I was nuts. Some are still a bit... reserved is a mild word for it. Others consider either me or my child a genious. In all cases, they are grossly mistaken. I figure folks must have done something like this before cloth diapers were widely available.
Anyways, just because *I* like it, and Hubby (a SAHD) is becoming more and more on-line with it, doesn't mean that I expect anyone else to do this. I do have to say, though, that diaper clean-ups are much easier when there are fewer to do.
Posted by: kz | July 09, 2005 at 06:45 PM
Oh, wait, to answer your question "Why?", ummmm, I guess I just like to try different things. I like the idea of clueing into infant communication - it's not all different kinds of cries.
I also like not having so many blow-out diapers.
And, now that I've been doing this for a few months, I think I now understand why my two others were so cranky at times - they didn't want to pee or poop in a diaper and were trying to tell me that, in a simple, infant-kind-of-way. More like, "I know I'm not going to like this, don't make me!" sorta way. So, they finally get used to doing that, and a few years later we try to train them out of it again. Kinda weird, that.
But, again, I know it sounds odd and insane. I know that diapers are convenient - I use them myself. Whatever works for me or you, that's the best way to do it.
Posted by: kz | July 09, 2005 at 06:50 PM
OK I have to admit I laughed at "I know that diapers are convenient - I use them myself" because there's more than one way to interpret that :-)
I just can't conceive of it, I guess... it seems so weird to me, I'm not that attentive of a person to manage my kid that closely. If I had to predict bodily functions at that early of an age, I think I would have gone insane.
But then again I am also not against "sleep training" or doing a variety of other things that I know many parents feel is not only not for them, but cruel for anyone to do.
At the end of the day, yes, whatever works for me or you. But I still have opinions about what works for others and not for me ;-)
Posted by: Cynical | July 09, 2005 at 07:56 PM
Opinions? Somedays I feel like that is all I have, lol. I have to say that it isn't about predicting behavior, it's about observing it. Maybe my days as a field biologist have helped me with EC.
hee hee about my gaff. To piggy-back on your own diaper commet, after three vaginal births, my subconscious may be telling ne something.
Posted by: kz | July 10, 2005 at 09:11 AM
Interesting. I suppose indigenous women sometimes did this kind of thing ... since mosses and such were the only diapers they had on hand. But I imagine that the idea would only work if you were living a lifestyle that allowed you to be incredibly in tune to what was going on with your baby's body.
For my own four kids, I used cloth diapers. I waited until each kid was old enough that he didn't like wearing wet diapers ... and I showed him wear the potty seat was. That was the extent of potty training for me.
Posted by: jo(e) | July 11, 2005 at 05:21 PM
Based on what I've read and on my psychological/cognitive development education, what appears to be happening (and tell me if I'm wrong) is that the mother is communicating with her infant's BODY -- not with the infant's MIND. There is a difference. The body shows signs when it is about to excrete waste. That does not mean that the infant has full *awareness* that she needs to pee or is even aware when she actually is peeing. In fact, the infant does not have the ability to *intentionally* hold her bowels. The infant is not making the conscious decsion to *use* the potty. That decision is being made for her by the parent. I mean, it takes three months for the bowel muscles to even develop. That's why a baby's poop seems to be *burst* from their bottoms rather than *push* out. How can this be called potty training when they baby can't even physically and intentionally push out their own poop?? Yes, this was a method used by other societies. Fine, parents can choose to use it today in our sociey. But the question is, what good does this do for the child?? I really have to agree with Brazelton that this method requires unneccesary hovering over the child. A healthy attachment does not equal hovering -- a concept lost on some attachment parenting extremists. (And, I'm suggesting that KZ is an extremist -- I respect your choice, but again, I have to ask, "How is this in the best interest of the child?")
Posted by: Laura | July 13, 2005 at 02:07 PM
OK. I just had to post another comment. I did a little looking at Laurie Boucke. It appears that she is a WRITER. She's not a doctor, or a developmental psychologist. Where she gets evidence for knowing that ifants at 3 months *know* when they have to go to the bathroom -- well, I would like very much to know. I agree that infants are smarter than people give them credit for. Studies have shown that they understand object permanence at 3 and a half months, they have some intuitive understanding of physics and numbers. But again, these have been demonstrated through extremely clever and highly sophisticated studies. The first rule of science is be very careful about applying cause to things that one observes. Just because I can observe my baby making faces before she excretes waste does NOT mean that she is fully conscious of it or is *intentionally* dispelling it. After all, the body still has reflexes.
Posted by: Laura | July 13, 2005 at 02:31 PM
Laura,
I have to imply from your comment, "How is this in the best interest of the child?" that you believe there is another method of excretion that is better for the child.
I think the only thing that is in the best interest for the child when it comes to excratory functions is that the kid is not kept in her own filth afterwards. If that means changing a diaper, fine. If that means putting her over a toilet so she just needs wiped, fine. I don't see how either choice can be detrimental. Perhaps you are being influenced by Dr. Brazelton's (a spokesperson for Pampers, by the way) comment, I think there are more productive ways to interact with a child -- like play." I can't speak for other EC parents, but as an "extremist" I can say toilet time takes less time than cleaning a poopy diaper in our house. I wouldn't do this if I thought it was reducing my limited fun time with my kids.
If you consider EC "extremist," I could agree with that if "extremist" is defined as beyond two standard deviations from the median. Perhaps "outlier" would be a better word. However, I don't think EC is an "extremist" cause - as in insisting everyone must EC and if they don't we'll find a way to legally make you or at least shame you into doing it.
EC is not about training a baby. It is not "potty training." I is simply about cueing into infant behavior. Whether a baby knows that fussing just before peeing is communicating that she is about to pee is irrelevant. From professional field biology experience, I also can tell 80% of the time (a wild-assed guess, no statistics to back it up) when a desert tortoise is about to void its bladder, or dig a nest. They just act.... different. Quick, hold said tortoise away from your pant leg before it's too late. I'm not saying that they, or infants, are consciously trying to communicate to anyone that they need to pee. Or poop, for that matter.
As for hovering, well, that I do take offense to. I don't know about other EC moms and dads,and I'm not a 100% EC parent, but from what I've read, I don't think any of them "hover." Unless you think attachment parenting, as in using a sling instead of a stroller and co-sleeping, as I do, is "hovering." I work 50 hours a week, I can't "hover." My SAHD husband has three kids to care for, he can't "hover" either.
Again, if you learn the behavioral cues that many (I'm sure not all) babies have just prior to peeing or pooing, then you can get them to the toilet before they go. As for me, I more know *when* she pees, so I take advantage of that. And, since about four months old, she will babble in a certain way just before she will pee. She does this often in the middle of the night. It may be an attempt at communication, maybe not, but it's effective, and I get her to the toilet before she pees. Once on the seat, she smiles, pushes, and out comes the waste. Could be a reflex action, I don't care. It works! As for any concern that I'm training her to wake up at night just for attention, I assure you the lights are kept off, minimal talking is done, and off to sleep she goes afterwards.
Posted by: kz | July 13, 2005 at 04:04 PM
I like practicing EC, too. I prefer it to diapering. I'm not going to argue over why. I just wanted to chime in and say that many people around the world feel the same way I do. (http://diaperfreebaby.org)
Posted by: msaraann | July 20, 2005 at 11:06 PM