Cynical Mom

I didn't realize it went both ways.

We figured out recently that Jared will [occasionally] happily submit to a diaper change as long as he gets to choose a train to play with while laying down on the changing table. So therefore, the boy gets to choose trains. Today, he chose Henry[4], a nice green two-parter[1], i.e. a train with a face[2] and a little cart of coal that attaches to him (him being Henry, not my son) magnetically, which Jared received as a gift last week.

As I'm changing his diaper, Jared starts chanting "Tender tender tender!" as he holds up the coal cart. I smile and say "Sure whatever you say, babe" since lately he's been inventing words for which we can find no meaning. But he keeps shouting "tender tender!" and shoves the coal cart into my face. It was turned upside down, and on the bottom I see it clearly printed: "HENRY'S TENDER". On the bottom of henry, it states: "HENRY".

So today, Jared taught me a new word: tender.

And I know that given his brilliance as I've described before, you might be tempted to assume that this boy read the words off the bottom of the train before reciting them to me. Precocious as he is, my two-bie has not yet started to read[3]. We're not going to call the doctor yet, we'll wait until he's two and a half before we worry about his reading skills[5]. Apparently his dad taught him that word.

[1] I love the manufacturer's description: "A long, fast engine with a streamlined look, which tends to make him somewhat high-strung and prone to illness."
[2] I was totally fine with thomas the train and all their faces until I saw one of the videos: THEY FREAK ME OUT. Their eyes move side to side and that's all that moves on their face. I had thought it was an innocent, harmless animated cartoon or claymation or whatnot... nooooo, it's the freaky shifty-eyed train people and Mr. Toppum Hat who doesn't move at all. So therefore the movies are outlawed in my house. At least when we're watching Little People, I can admire the technical feats that went into the creation of it, I find myself marveling frequently at how they make certain things move. There's just no sweat blood or tears what done gone into them Thomas the Train videos - not worth the money!
[3] He can, however, memorize an entire Maisy book and insert the missing words whenever you pause. It's bloody brilliant.
[4] Pronounced "hungry".
[5] Joking!! Sheesh.

Oh. My. Gawd.

In a thread on my "expectant mommies" board, where one woman asked if artificial sweeteners in diet pop are OK, one response:

they say whatever you eat and drink is what the baby eats and drinks so when I crave a Pepsi I ask myself would I give Pepsi to a baby?

IT IS NOTHING LIKE FEEDING PEPSI TO A DANG BABY.

Sheesh.

Plus, whenever you hear that "they" said something, they say it's usually safe to ignore it.

I read a quote a while back by I believe Tom Arnold, who said something like: "All women are psychotic. The trick is to find one who's only psychotic some of the time. But on the other hand, all men are assholes. The trick is to find one who's an asshole only part of the time."

Groundbreaking journalism

Yet another article about how much money stay at home moms would make if they got paid. $131,471/yr. Unfortunately the article is complete fluff. The problems:

It's mom-specific. Would it kill them to throw a gender-neutral reference in there or at least mention the growing numbers of SAHDs?

It's a reuters story based on an "informal survey" by powerhouse website salary.com where the survey respondents gave titles that fit what they do. That's some rigorous science, there. Based on the weak references provided in the story, the titles that the SAHMs gave included nurse, chauffeur, etc. But it's ridiculous to go from "the X minutes a day that a parent performs nursing-related tasks" to "having them earn the equivalent of X minutes of a nurse's salary." To pick on this example, there's a whole lot that nurses do that stay at home parents don't and can't. A significant part of the value of a nurse is having an immense base of medical knowledge that might be called into play in any given situation. Taking care of a child with a fever or pouring antiseptic on a skateboarding injury just don't compare. A better way to look at this is: how much would America pay someone else to do this job for your children? What do we pay the nurse at the gradeschool? The bus driver? The daycare teacher? The music teacher at daycare?

It assumes 40 hours + 60 hours of overtime. Yes, I get the point that stay at home parents' work doesn't end, but if you want this number to be useful for any sort of comparison at all, then don't count the bleepin' overtime. Guess what, the parents who work out of the home come home and do that 60 hours of overtime too. Or is that just me?

One quote: "Coleman said feedback on the figure was mixed. Some felt mothers deserved more, some less. In general, though, many were pleased to see a figure above $100,000." Um, really? They were pleased to see a figure above 100k? I hadn't expected that.

And the quote from the mom who said she "definitely" thinks she should make that much? That's what really convinced me.

Then at the end, cue obligatory reference to how all SAHMs say that really, you can't attach a dollar amount to the time spent at home with children (but if you have to, I mean really have to, then how about a number above 100k?).

What tripe. A story built on nothing. It doesn't add any value and worse yet, it takes away from other stories on this topic that might be more balanced and thoughtful (admittedly, I've never seen one). I get that it sucks that stay at home parents don't earn a paycheck and yet they do a variety of tasks that, were they working out of the home at those tasks for other people or their children, would earn money. I get why people write these stories, hopefully it helps add visibility to the work that goes on at home. But can't we write them better than this?

Who *could* have kept a straight face during that?

Today while eating dinner, Jared started saying "boobie boobie boobie" over and over again, looking at me and smiling. I managed to keep my voice and face neutral and said "Sorry, I don't understand what you're saying."

Then I lost it when he said "cock cock cock".