Cynical Mom

The comments you pretend you don't like

While picking up Jared at daycare today, the teacher told us that he could do something none of the other kids could do, and she was obviously very impressed.

Naturally, I didn't care at all that my kid was advanced in any way because I am not competitive at all; after all, there's no point, kids grow and learn at different rates and there's no shame in being slower than others. Jared himself was a very late walker.

But back here in the real world, I felt the teeniest - just the teeniest - twinge of pleasure at hearing this (ahh yes, it's because of how I raised him, I'm that good of a mother).

Except when I heard what the thing was that he could do so well: eat a popsicle. Stop the presses! My boy can eat a popsicle properly (you know, like an ear of corn, down and around). Couldn't it have been something like, oh I don't know, cite the gettysburg address? Or tie a shoe?

Ah, who am I kidding... I am still in some strange way proud that my boy can eat a popsicle "properly".

My legacy

When I was a 12 year old geek on BBSes in the 80s, I got my sisters into BBSing as well (I also made fun of them for their girly nicknames while I stuck with my gender-neutral and confidence-inspiring "whoops" which I still use to this day.) One of them met her husband on a BBS and I've always felt a teeny bit of pride that were it not for me, they wouldn't have met.

A while back, they discovered my blog and since then I've been trying to sell them on the benefits of blogging as a way of keeping the rest of the family up to date on what's going on with the kids (because who cares about the parents, after all? duh).

Well, now two of them have started their own blogs (on typepad... I'm quite the evangelist. I bought one of them the subscription as a christmas gift, and got the other a discounted subscription in the "buy one give one away" promotion. Anil, feel free to just credit my account, no problem at all.) We'll see if they keep it up or fall victim to the odds, but I still think it's neat.

I guess I should go back through the archives of my personal and work blogs and make sure I never said anything mean about my family (silly... no need. I would never do that! But perhaps I should check hubby's blog...), since they now not only know what a blog is, they know the URL to mine and have their own and could *gasp* get back at me.

I am so proud of my family for their geekiness. Now I just need to get my mom to use IM instead of the phone.

Step aside

I used to think my sister was amazing for giving birth to a 10 pound, 3 ounce baby. My boy was pretty big (8lb12oz) but nothing to write home about.

Then I read about this going on 17 pounder on DaddyTypes, and I'm sorry, Quispy, but your achievement just doesn't seem so amazing anymore.

;-)

Are you fit? Or just a "min-gah"?

Ali G fans who are easily amused (ok, that's redundant) will enjoy this: http://www.fitorminger.co.uk/

Things I didn't know before I came a blogging parent

#1: That if I talk about my child or husband, I'm supposed to use a nickname instead of their real name. I don't know if this is commonly done because of the security risks of some random internet freako finding out too much about me and my family (aw crap, I guess I shouldn't have gotten the vanity domain) or because the child/husband had that nickname to start with and it was a natural extension. I feel left out... I call Jared names, but they're not really nicknames. "swee-pea" and "dopey-butt" sound nice once in a while but not in every post. I also can't think of anything creative that hasn't already been used.

#2: You're supposed to honor MLK day in some sort of family/community togetherness celebration. Crap. I have to confess that as much respect I have for the civic leaders of the present and past  (to whom I credit a lot of my current liberal and feminist leaning) and the organizations they founded or worked with (to whom I donate a portion of my paycheck) and the ideals they stood for (to whom I thank for their allowing me to lead the life I do and allowing me to raise my son the way I choose)... I've never seen these official days as anything but a day off of school. And in the last ten years, not even that - we didn't get a paid holiday today.

When I was growing up in Illinois, we got Casimir Pulaski day off of school and it was the greatest thing ever that we loved lording over our friends in other states. Who is Casimir Pulaski, you ask? I couldn't have cared less, I was too busy taking a day off school. Duh.

The whole thing

A friend-in-law of mine (friend of a friend) was eating out at a restaurant one night for dinner with his friends. He saw a delicious Lemon Merengue pie and said "Wow that looks great, I bet I could eat the whole thing."

So his friends took him up on it, and bought him the pie. He started making his way through it, piece by piece. As he was about halfway through he stopped and pushed it away and said "I can't do it." His friends said "Ah-ha! we win!". He said "No, what I mean is... it's just too sweet. I need something to cut it with."

So he ordered a cheeseburger, ate it, and then finished the rest of the pie.

BFB7: Life is as strange as fiction

This blog entry is for Blogging for books #7, life is as strange as fiction. The genre of fiction which best represents my life is that of the Holiday Letter.

 

But, wait, I hear you say - the lovingly but mass-produced Holiday Letters aren't fiction! They are the result of many laborious hours spent at a computer pecking away the status of your little ones, your travels, your accomplishments and how much more fantastic your life is compared to anyone else's. Well yes, like I said, this is the genre of fiction that best represents my life.

 

Dear Friends and Family,

 

I hope this letter finds you in good cheer! But enough about you, this letter is about us.

 

Our family has certainly had a wonderful year. My dear, dear husband David was promoted early this year to senior vice president, where he currently reigns. We were very fortunate that even though he has additional responsibility in this new position (and additional money - oh my, the money), he is still able to make it home by 4pm to cook us all a gourmet meal. This is very convenient, because the maids leave at 6, so his early start ensures that they are still there in time to do dishes.

 

David and I also enjoyed a lot of travel this year; we summered in Djibouti where we helped secure vaccinations for thousands of locals with the aid of some very generous friends. David was so magnificent, caring for all the young children, I fell in love all over again and remembered why I married him -- aside from the money, that is.

 

I myself have discovered that I have what others have told me is an amazing talent for photography, so I decided to start a portrait business on the side. I've only been in "the biz" as we "photogs" say for a few weeks, and yet I am booked solid through the end of the year! I truly want to thank my dear friends for all their kind referrals and of course, the additional money does help us get by.

 

And what about our dear 18 month old boy Jared, you ask? Well, where to start? He has recently taken up the cello as he was no longer challenged with the oboe. Our good friend Yo-Yo Ma stops by once a week to tutor him.

Jared also surprised us with how quickly he took to the potty - one day last week he just decided to start using it and has been potty trained (day and night) ever since! We are so blessed.

This wonderful and precocious little boy is the light of our life, every spare minute we spend with him outside of our work, charity activities and social lives is a pure dream, I only wish we could afford more time to focus on him... but that's the way life goes!

 

Enclosed is a picture of us all in our matching Armani, I know you will agree with me that we are just adorable. And no need to ask, yes I have lost weight, and aren't you a sweetheart for noticing!

 

I hope that your 2004 went as well as ours!

 

Love and kisses,

 

KC, David and Jared

Hurrah!

Family guy is back in March!

The internet is great because...

it gave us engineers with too much free time, who go out of their way to make others laugh:

http://triggur.org/robodump/

What a novel concept

This week I started a new "diet", I suppose you could call it. It isn't a fad, really - I'm just going to try to eat only when I'm hungry, and keep an eye on my calories.

ba-dum.

No, wait, really, it's not that simple. The revelation for me after a visit with my family (where we invariably dissect our genetic makeup) and a long discussion with my husband over the holidays (this is the man who will have a piece of fruit as dessert when there is cheesecake available!) was that it's OK to be hungry.

All the diet books emphasize you should only eat when you're hungry, which is great if you actually know what hunger really is. I have spent the last few years trying that (and it's a good thing to do, of course)... but none of the diet books say gosh golly gee-whiz, you know what, you don't have to eat when you are hungry.

What a load off my mind that thought was! For years, as soon as I get the tiniest bit hungry, I would immediately eat. Or if I got the tiniest inkling that perhaps, just maybe, hunger would be coming my way any time in the next hour, then I would eat. Unfortunately this doesn't work well because I tend to feel hungry within a couple of hours after eating, regardless of the size or nature of meal I had. So I was constantly 'allowing' myself to eat because I was truly truly hungry (ok just a wee bit hungry, but truly truly a wee bit hungry), and even if all you're eating is a 200 calorie snack, those calories add up over the course of a day... particularly for someone as short as I am, where the normal allowance of calories to maintain my weight is roughly 1800 which ain't much.

I am not new to the dieting concept. In January 2001, I started a bet with some friends to lose weight, we'd all put $200 into the pot and whoever lost the most weight by the end of March would win all of the money. For some reason, that shared bet motivated me like nothing else had in the past 10 years (except getting dumped by the then-love-of-my-life for another chick, which was great for my waistline and not so good for my self esteem). I decided that my diet would be, get this:

Eat less.

Now I admit, it took me a while to come up with that one. But for some reason the $400 dangling over my head enabled me to actually stick to my diet, and by the end of March I'd lost 13 pounds whereas my partners in food-crime hadn't lost a thing. And somehow they'd forgotten about the whole bet thing anyway.

But the important thing is, I'd shown myself that I could do it, so over the rest of 2001 I made my way down another 25 pounds, to where I was actually fairly happy with my weight (ok not bikini-happy, but who is? I read something once where Cindy Crawford said she hated doing swimsuit modeling because of her "fat ass"). It was a wonderful year actually, since I just played the calorie game and two taco bell tacos has 340 calories which is a decent number of calories for a dieting person's lunch. People who saw me losing weight didn't understand it, since they also saw me eating junk food. I think that's one of the reasons so many diets fail, is because people try to not only eat less but eat better at the same time - one at a time, I say!

Before:

After:

(Look! a chin!)

Hurrah for me, wheeeee, I did it. I managed to keep it off for the next 9 months and then -- get this -- I did a silly thing for someone who was happy with their body... I got pregnant and played it "50s style", i.e. eat whatever you want for the only time in your entire life.

65 pounds later I had a wonderful boy and having had many delicious desserts in that time span, I don't regret it a bit. It took me ages to start going down again - I learned one of the dirty secrets of new motherhood which is that it's quite easy to gain weight after giving birth to the baby, breastfeeding be damned or perhaps it even causes it. You're so dang hungry all the time that you eat much more, and you're so sleep deprived and stressed out that the only thing that is always there for you, never screams and never makes you bleed is food. But by 15 months post-partum, I had made it down to within 10 pounds of my lowest ever, which is where I am today:

I want to have another baby eventually, but you're not allowed to call it baby fat after #2 if it's the baby fat from your first pregnancy, so I would like to get down those 10 pounds.

And so, it is 7pm, my son is in bed, my husband is cooking dinner (yes, he's awesome) and I have had a fairly small amount of food for the day, mostly in balance bar form. I am hungry and am looking forward to dinner... but it's OK.

P.S. He did the dishes too. And put the baby to bed. What a man.